


Small Steps to Permanence

by chicago_ruth



Category: AI: The Somnium Files (Video Game)
Genre: Awkwardness, Established Relationship, Family, Fluff, M/M, Parenthood, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:28:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25736578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chicago_ruth/pseuds/chicago_ruth
Summary: Renju is terrified of introducing Mizuki and Futa to each other. But he desperately wants to, as well.
Relationships: Okiura Renju & Okiura Mizuki, Okiura Renju/Pewter | Amanoma Futa
Comments: 6
Kudos: 46
Collections: Parallels Fanworks Exchange 2020





	Small Steps to Permanence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GaleWrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaleWrites/gifts).



Renju still felt guilty about it. Every time he went somewhere with Mizuki, every time they played a game together or he bought her a gift, every time she sat in his office and waited for him to get done with work—

Every time he dropped her off at Date’s place.

“I’ll see you on Friday. Sorry I can’t go with you tomorrow,” he said, ruffling her hair. She pouted at him and turned away, looking far too much like her mother at that moment.

“It’s fine. I know you’re busy,” Mizuki answered, but from her tone of voice it was clear she was mad. Nearby, Date looked apologetic, as if it were Date’s fault.

No, it was all Renju’s fault. He was a failure at everything, and he was too much of a coward to try to fix it. He smiled at Mizuki though, hoping to convey at least some of his love to her.

But she barely looked at him, going into the apartment without another word. If she were older, Renju would almost expect her to flip him off.

“Sorry about that,” Date said quietly. “I don’t know what’s gotten into her lately. She’s been in an extra sour mood.”

Renju twisted the golden watch on his arm out of habit.

* * *

He got home and called, “I’m back!”

It still surprised him to receive, “Welcome home!” in response. He’d gone so many years without this response. Even when he was still living with Shoko and Mizuki, too often he’d come home to Mizuki locked in her room and Shoko in the mood to start fights.

Futa was sitting on the living room couch, reading one of his BL novels. He looked different, wearing his at-home sweats rather than the ridiculous uniform he wore for work. Renju could already feel himself relaxing, the stresses of the day rolling off him, just from seeing Futa there.

“You’re off work early.” Renju took his shoes off and put on his house slippers. The guest slippers were still there, unused, next to Mizuki’s pair.

Futa had his own slippers now, a set in a silly, garish green. Renju didn’t remember when the pair showed up, but he couldn’t imagine not having that extra set in the house.

“We wrapped up a case, and there was actually, for once, no need for me to stay late.” Futa shifted a bit to make space for Renju, and Renju happily took the space. It should have been harder to sit next to a man, one who was so tall in comparison, but somehow they fit together perfectly. He’d thought, before, that he wasn’t much one for cuddling, but it turned out the problem had been his choice in partner rather than the act itself.

“What about you?” Futa asked, settling one arm across Renju’s shoulders. “I thought you’d still be at Lemniscate.”

“No, I… well, I wanted to get something done, but Mizuki was getting impatient, and I decided to take her out for ice cream instead.”

“Wow. That’s not like you, putting work aside. Is everything all right?” Futa was giving him a strange look. When they’d first started dating, Futa had admitted he wasn’t very good with children, and Renju had reassured him that he would probably never have to interact with Mizuki.

Lately, Renju regretted that statement. He wanted the two of them to meet. When he’d been out with Mizuki, he wondered what it would be like to go to the aquarium together, all three of them. Like the family he and Shoko hadn’t been.

But he was just as terrified of Mizuki’s reaction. She still sometimes asked if he could get back together with Shoko. “Mom’s probably better now, right? And I’ll try harder for her. And we could all three live in a big house again, and…”

But forget Date’s judgment; Renju wouldn’t forgive himself either if he forced Mizuki back under Shoko’s roof.

“I’m fine. Just… feeling a bit stressed. Sales were down last quarter, and I need a new act to market.”

“Oh, what about a boy band? That might get you a whole different set of customers. I’d be happy to help you vet them.” Futa started talking about what made a good boy band, listing off the archetypes each one needed. Renju smiled, and when there was a small break in the conversation, he kissed Futa.

From there, the kisses deepened.

* * *

The idea wouldn’t leave him alone. Renju stroked Futa’s back and thought about how badly he wanted to have both of them in his life, at once.

Unless Mizuki started acting out again. Unless Futa decided he couldn’t deal with children.

Unless Renju couldn’t handle being a full time parent.

He really needed a drink, actually. He picked up his phone and sent Date a _NILE_ message. _Drinks tomorrow night?_

The phone told him it was almost midnight, so it was unreasonable of him to get impatient when he didn’t receive an immediate response.

All of his fussing around ended up waking Futa though. Futa grumbled and turned around, taking Renju’s phone from him.

“Who are you texting at this hour? Date?” Futa raised his eyebrows. “Should I be jealous?”

“No. I just needed to run a few ideas by him,” Renju admitted. “You know. Life… things.”

He was a bit embarrassed to admit it, and maybe it was inappropriate after all, to burden the man taking care of his daughter with all these other questions. But there was something about Date that made him easy to talk to. Even if Date had a tendency to tell you exactly how he felt. Maybe that’s what made him such a good conversation partner: he was willing to let you know if you were being an idiot.

“Relationship advice? From Date? As far as I know he’s never been in a proper relationship, ever.” Futa set the phone down again and settled his head on Renju’s chest. “I think you should talk to me. Seeing as how I’m your partner.”

“Ah, but it’s easier to talk to Date. I don’t have to worry about Date breaking up with me if I piss him off.” Renju smiled when he said it, but Futa didn’t smile back.

“You know that’s not going to happen, right? Whatever you want to talk about… even if I get mad, I won’t break up with you. I love you, Renju. Whatever’s bothering you, I want to work through it. Together.” Futa linked his fingers with Renju’s. “Obviously, you can talk to whomever you want. But if you have an issue with me, I hope… I hope you could talk to me.”

Renju’s chest squeezed tight. He tried to remember having a similar conversation with Shoko, but whenever they spoke, it devolved into calling out each other’s inadequacies. Maybe he was still afraid that the same thing would happen this time.

“I…” Renju started, but the words got stuck in his throat.

His lack of response clearly disappointed Futa. “It’s fine. Let’s just sleep.” Futa put the phone down on the bedside table and turned his back to Renju.

* * *

“Well, there’s an easy solution to your problem, isn’t there?” Date said. His cheeks were a bit red from the drinks, but he sounded fairly coherent. Or maybe Renju was drunk enough that everybody else sounded sober.

“What easy solution?”

“Just introduce them. I know you’re really private and all, but Mizuki’s your _daughter_. How hurt do you think she feels, knowing you’ve got a new lover and not being allowed to meet them?” Date paused there and gestured towards the watch. “You got so mad when I spilled beer on that thing. Don’t tell me you think your relationship isn’t going to last. Because that’s the message you’re sending to your lover, too. This is so fragile, it’s not worth it for you to meet my daughter.”

On the other side of the counter, Mama started nodding. “You think you’re doing them both a favor, but I’ve seen your honey when you’re not here. He worries too.”

“I hate it that you’re both right,” Renju admitted, clutching his whisky glass. “But how do I know… I just mean… it didn’t work out with Shoko, right? And that wasn’t just her fault. I know I was no help either. Always working. Not paying attention to Mizuki.”

Date gave him a very pointed look. “Geez. You know all this, and you’re still keeping Mizuki out of your private life? No wonder she’s mad at you right now.”

“Yeah. It turns out, I’m a bit of a coward,” Renju said. “All those years of working with the yakuza… you’d think I’d be able to handle something as mundane as introducing my kid to my lover.”

He expected some sort of reproach, but Date simply shrugged. “Nah, I get it. I’m busting criminals all day, and sometimes the hardest thing is making sure I don’t mess up with Mizuki. She’s a good kid, and I don’t want to disappoint her. Which I seem to be doing all the time.”

If Renju were slightly less jealous, he would have told Date about how Mizuki wouldn’t stop talking about him. That Date was doing a spectacular job, that Date was a much better father to Mizuki than Renju had ever been.

But despite being such a spectacular failure on that front, Renju didn’t want to lose his place in Mizuki’s life. So he let the statement stand uncontested. “Okay. So. The answer is, I need to just get it over with. Like ripping off a bandage.”

“Yeah, pretty much.” Date paused and scowled at something, but shook it off pretty quickly. “Do I ever get to meet this lover of yours?”

“Absolutely not!” The thought alone made Renju shudder. It was bad enough that Futa and Date were coworkers; he didn’t want to give them a reason to talk about him. Futa seemed to be on the same page on that front, at least, saying he mostly pretended not to know Renju at all if he ever came up in conversation.

“Guess you just don’t care about me as much as you do about Mizuki.” Date gave an exasperated sigh. “Mama, you hearing this? Wouldn’t you trust me to meet your lovers?”

“And risk you stealing them from me? Honey, I’ve met Renju’s lover, and he is quite the catch. I wouldn’t want you anywhere near him either.”

The two of them continued to banter for a while, leaving Renju to steel his nerves. He could do this. He _would_ do this.

* * *

Easier said than done, of course, with both Renju and Futa’s busy schedules, and Mizuki’s own activities.

Or maybe Renju was stalling.

Then one evening, when he and Futa were watching TV together—just some silly gameshow that Futa genuinely enjoyed but Renju only watched to see if it would be a good fit for one of his idols—Date called.

“Hey, I’m really sorry to do this, but I just got called in on a case and I don’t want to leave Mizuki alone. She’s… uh, she’s really not doing too well right now. I’m gonna drop her off at your place. You’re there, right?”

“I am, but… Now’s not a good time,” Renju started, panic making his heart start pounding faster.

But Date didn’t let him continue. “Then make it a good time! She’s your daughter. And… okay, she’s packed, we’re coming over now.” Date hung up before Renju could respond.

Shit. This wasn’t good. He wasn’t prepared for any of this. He turned to look at Futa, ready to ask him to leave, but Futa already had a resigned look to him.

“Yeah, I get it. I’ll head out.” Futa stood up and stretched. “Wouldn’t want anybody to know you were dating a man, now would you.”

“What? No, Mizuki knows you’re a man.” Renju kept the place clean on most days, but he picked up the magazines and stuffed them under the coffee table. The mugs were from last night too, so he took those to the kitchen and put them in the small dishwasher. The chopsticks on the counter which he’d simply rinsed off probably had to be properly cleaned too.

It took him a while to realize that Futa hadn’t said anything in a while. He turned around and saw Futa looking at him with a strangely vulnerable expression. “What’s wrong?”

Futa gave him a crooked smile. “If she knows I’m a man… then why haven’t you introduced us? Why do you want me to leave now? I thought you were still closeted.”

“Can we have this conversation some other time? Date said Mizuki was having a bad day, and I don’t want anything to set her off.” Would seeing evidence of Futa annoy Mizuki? He didn’t need her crying to Shoko about what she’d seen. Normally Renju would pack away Futa’s slippers and toothbrush when Mizuki visited, so she wouldn’t worry about Renju actually living with anybody.

Which he wasn’t! He and Futa still had their own apartments. It just happened that Futa was spending a lot more time here lately, rather than at his own place. It was closer to work, he said, although by Renju’s calculations that was only just barely true.

“No, we can’t talk about this some other time. If the problem isn’t me being a man, then what _is_ the problem?” Futa asked again. “Because I thought things were going well between us, but you keep these rigid lines, separating me from the rest of your life, and sometimes I wonder…”

“Because! Because, what if you two don’t get along? What if I have to… what if I have to choose between my lover and my child, all over again? And what if… what if I decide I want to choose you after all? What would that say about me?”

The silence between them stretched out.

An apology was already on Renju’s tongue, ready to smooth things over with much more carefully chosen words, except the doorbell rang, startling them both.

Futa composed himself first. “Well. I guess this is where you make a choice. Do I hide in your bedroom and sneak out while she’s asleep?” His voice was strained, but he smiled despite his obvious discomfort. “I would be unhappy about that scenario, but it wouldn’t be the end of us. I guess I love you too much to worry about my self-esteem or pride.”

That would be the easier path. The doorbell chimed again, followed by knocking on the door.

“Dad?” Mizuki called out.

Renju had to make up his mind fast.

The easier choice wasn’t usually the right one, he knew that much. Marrying Shoko had been the easy choice. Drowning himself in work was the easy choice. Letting Date take care of Mizuki—even that was the easier choice.

So for the first time in years, he let himself make the harder choice.

“Stay there,” Renju said to Futa. He walked over to the front door and opened it.

* * *

Dinner wasn’t easy. Futa tried to engage Mizuki, asking her about her school work, and she responded with short sentences. When Renju asked her how her day had gone, Mizuki just poked at her rice and huffed a bit. Every attempt to converse with her ended with silence.

This was exactly what Renju had been afraid of.

“I guess I’ll go pack up for the evening,” Futa said once dinner was over. His smile was strained, but Renju was really grateful that didn't have to ask. There was no way Futa could stay now, not with Mizuki acting as she was.

But Mizuki’s head shot up and she stared at him. “What? Why?”

“Uh, don’t you want to be alone with your dad? I know how to take a hint.” Futa started laughing a bit. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not going to compete with you for his attention.”

“No!” Mizuki shouted, standing up and slamming her fists on the table. The table shook ominously, one bowl even tipping onto its side. “Don’t go. I—I want you to stay!”

Now Renju was confused. “Mizuki, you’ve been reticent all evening. If you aren’t comfortable with Futa being here…”

“He’s fine! I just… I didn’t want to say something and mess it up. I didn’t want him to hate me. Like…” She bit her lip and averted her gaze.

It took Renju a moment to understand. She was afraid that Futa would hate her, because Shoko hated her. None of which was her fault, Renju knew that, but he also didn’t know how to deal with that revelation. His daughter was hurting, and his first instinct was to call Date and have him handle it.

That wasn’t an option tonight. So he was left staring at Mizuki, fumbling for something right to say. He had all this experience dealing with heads of other companies, he could strongarm gangsters, he could even handle Shoko, but this one eleven year old girl was too much for him.

Futa made a dismissive sound. “In that case, you have nothing to worry about. I already like you, Mizuki.”

“You do?” Mizuki’s lip started to tremble, but aside from that, she kept a straight face. “How can you say that? You don’t know me.”

“I don’t know you personally, but I know Renju. And he’s told me stories about you. Like how smart you are, and that you’re really good at martial arts, or that your favorite anime is _Pretty Cute_. Renju even told me he reached out to the production team to have one of his girl bands do the opening song for the new season?”

Right, he’d forgotten he’d told Futa about that. Renju winced, since he hadn’t meant to actually wanted to mention any of it to Mizuki. It just felt like a fun, small little thing to do. A way to get involved in her hobbies, even though he couldn’t actively be there most of the time.

“What? Is that true, dad?” Mizuki’s full attention was on him now. “Which song?”

The table needed clearing. Renju stood and started to pack things away while he tried to figure out how to downplay all of this. “It wasn’t like that. I just thought the new group would be a good fit—”

“He’s lying, Mizuki,” Futa interrupted. “I heard him on the phone, negotiating for it hard. I’m sure it made a lot of business sense, but really it was just because it’s your favorite anime.”

With his back turned, Renju didn’t see Mizuki, but he heard her running across the room and he had to wince when she tackle-hugged him. Man, she was a lot stronger than she looked.

“Thank you! Ah, thank you so much!”

The happiness in her voice melted something in Renju. He set down the dirty dishes and turned around, awkwardly returning the hug. “Yeah. The song hasn’t been released yet. You’ll see it in the new season opening.”

She gave an excited shriek and tightened her hug even more. “That’s so cool!” When she let go, she turned to Futa and smiled brightly at him. “Thanks for telling me!”

“No problem! I don’t think he would have if I hadn’t.” Futa gave Renju a pointed look. “Do you need help cleaning up?”

“Ah, no. Why don’t you two go to the living room. I’ll bring dessert. Maybe we can watch a movie together.”

“Yeah! There’s one on TV tonight I wanted to watch!” Mizuki rushed off to the living room to turn the TV on and browse through channels.

Futa crossed the distance between them and casually bumped his shoulder against Renju’s. “I hope that was all right?”

“Yeah. That’s was…” Renju paused to collect himself. He was feeling strangely overwhelmed. “It was good. I’m… I’m glad she seems to like you.”

“Well, I’m glad too. Maybe we can all go out sometime. You know, the science museum has a new exhibit I’ve been meaning to check out. They’re showcasing the work of Dr. Yamane, and I need to see exactly what kind of nonsense he’s producing these days. Did I tell you, he actually rebutted one of my papers? And…”

Renju listened to Futa ramble, right until Mizuki called for them impatiently, saying that the movie was starting _now_.

It was nice, actually. To have both Futa and Mizuki in the house. To be eating ice cream together and watching a silly kid’s movie. Mizuki chattered the entire time, explaining all the intricacies of the plot to Futa, who probably didn’t care but was making a very good show of it regardless.

This was what a family should be, Renju thought. He’d never had anything quite like this before, but now he couldn’t stop himself from wanting it _forever_.

He wasn’t ready for that yet, though. And he didn’t trust himself with Mizuki full time. But maybe he could work up to it. Small get togethers like this, and little outings, and maybe one day, it could be permanent.


End file.
